In the last few weeks of my Dad's life he was sometimes confused. The first thing I did upon arriving to see him was to see how coherent he was and give him a big hug and kiss.
One day when I got there, he looked over and saw me coming and said, "Look who is here! It's Nicole!" With a cringing smile I walked over and gave him a big hug and said, "It's me, Dad!" He replied that he knew it was me, his little angel.
That brought me back to when I was in the 6th grade and had the lead role in the Christmas play. Dad had found coverage to come see me that night from his shift. He got to see his 'little angel' in the play and at the end he grabbed a program and had me sign it. He was certain that I was going to be famous someday and had me sign the program "To my Daddy", saying that one day that program was going to be priceless.
So, in those last few weeks of my Dad's life we talked about that. I let him know that HE was my angel in ways he never knew.
At my Dad's funeral, each of my 3 sisters got up and read a written prepared speech. I have written volumes about the relationship w/ my Dad but I didn't have anything prepared, so when they were done everyone looked at me. Having nothing prepared I repeated the story of Nicole, the Christmas angel and how special my Dad was.
As I looked around the church auditorium full of people coming to say good-bye to my Dad I reminded everyone there that no matter how much all of our love put together for my Dad was, that God loved him SO much more. With that, my sisters and I walked off the church stage and took our seats.
I regret not having some better memory to share or some special anecdote but I just felt some things were just too intimate and personal to share right then and I couldn't get through it.
Dad died November 28th so I have had over 2 months to look back and think of all the things I could have/should have said or done. I have to let those regrets go and know that my Dad knows exactly how I feel about him. I was the only daughter that got to spend the last day with him and for that I am forever grateful. He knew who I was that day and I told him good-bye.
My Mom recently cleaned out the nightstand that was on my Dad's side of the bed.
In that nightstand was the program I signed for my Dad in 1979. He had slept with it beside him in his nightstand for all these years...
Now, the program is in my nightstand. So, yes -- my Dad was right. This program IS priceless.. to me.
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