Well, I finally found someone to order my Pampered Chef stuff from. Nanner-nanner! So now while everyone else will be cooking with their stuff purchased from Target, just know that I probably paid double for the stuff sitting in my cabinets now. Yeah! So take that! She has a website and can deliver via mail so if anyone is interested (which I'm assuming you all must be since nobody responded to my request for a Pampered Chef consultant someone might know) let me know and I can pass that on to you.
Also, this may be under that "too much information" category I delve in so often but WHEN do I get past puberty? I, for one, would like to know when the blemishes stop arriving monthly... This is getting really old. I don't think even my new Pampered Chef items can remedy this one. I am about to name this baby on my cheek since I think it is here to stay. Any suggestions?
Sometimes I come running out of the bathroom and say to my 'beloved boyfriend', "You won't BELIEVE what just happened in there!"
Apparently, this is not something one should be hearing from their beloved girlfriend. I have since been told that there should be some level of decorum between us that doesn't involve all the daily nitty gritties and bodily functions. I just wanted to share everything and some things you just HAVE to tell. Thus, I guess maybe I should start blogging about these things instead? Okay, maybe not.
BUT, I do have this one thing that's gross that I will be sharing. I was scratching my chin one day and felt something foreign there and happened to look up in my car vanity mirror and saw a big black hair! AND it was ATTACHED! Horror of horrors! So, I found some tweezers and plucked that puppy! Was the grossest thing.
I am telling you this to tell you that this morning I saw that it had come BACK! What in the world do I have a random black course hair growing on my chin for? WHERE did it come from? Will there be others? Who knows the answers to these questions?
Yes, there are worse fates in life and I do consider myself blessed but now I am living the curse of walking around with tweezers on hand so at any given moment when Mr Black Whisker decides to pop his ugly head again I will be prepared. I wonder if they make cute tweezers that I can accessorize with in a shade of pink?
Also, speaking of tweezings... I was doing the eyebrow tweezing the other day and couldn't QUITE get this one elusive hair that kept not really wanting to be twoze (is that a word?) After careful squinting and lots of tweezer mishaps, I finally determined it wasn't a hair but a WRINKLE.
So, now on top of growing a beard I also have eye wrinkles disguising themselves as stray eyebrow hairs. Sigh....
(This was from my sister after she read my blog today)
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door: To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit &Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.) 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less 2. Don't ask for money all the time 3 Are easier to train 4. Normally come when called 5. Never ask to drive the car 6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends 7. Don't smoke or drink 8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions 9. Don't want to wear your clothes 10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and... 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children