There's nothing like looking for your keys all over the house when time to take the kids to school only to discover at the LAST second possible that they have been in the lock in the front door for the entire night.
Went to Shane's soccer game last night only to realize that there were no bleachers and I took no chairs.
Well, I ended up sitting on the ground out in the 110 degree weather. Great idea I had to wear WHITE capris. The ants had a hay-day on my backside and Jace kept vigil over telling me to stand up and so he could spank me to 'get the ants off'. Now we all know my backside itself is in modest proportions so the last thing I wanted was to be all hot and nasty and sweaty in white pants trying to sit indian style on the hot ground and occasionally jump up only to have my 11 year old son have everyone stare at my bottom whilst he swatted away things that were stinging me.
Kudos to LYNN for inviting me to a Mommy's breakfast on the first day of school. I got out of the house and had a great time. Although I was the 'oldest' mommy there. ;) There are so many new fun toys and gadget for little ones these days! Sunhats with SPF factor built in? Who would have thunk it! Anyway, thanks Lynn!
In other news, I finally sat down and watched the last few episodes of last season's Desperate Housewives only to discover that for some reason there was only 30 minutes recorded of the finale! I'm sure there is a website I can go to to catch up but still... not as good as the real thing.
Also, you know what us girls do (or at least me) when we are having a tough time and suffer a drastic life change? Yep, CHOP off our hair!! Well, don't get excited because today was the day I was calling in for the big appointment, but what do you know? SEVERAL people complimented me on my hair! :( Grrrr...! How can I cut all my hair off now? Well, I need to do something DIFFERENT. Any suggestions? No extra piercings though...
Another update is we got a new puppy. Yeah, I know.. that's what I REALLY needed right about now. Right? Well, we were told that if someone didn't rescue him that there was a 22 bullet with his name on it! Who in their right mind could have turned him down? He turned to look at me and he had the biggest BLUE eyes! I'll post pics soon and I just hope that his eyes look as good with digital photography as they do in real life.
Still hangin in there and my new motto is "LIfe is good" (even when I don't believe it), which I borrowed from the Beloved Boyfriend, you should ask him about his birthday toast... ;)
It seems that if I'm not blogging, I'm losing a bit of myself. No, blogging isn't what makes me whole but what I'm saying is that if I'm in town and have internet access and I'm still not blogging -- something is terribly wrong with me. I have noticed this pattern. I love blogging and reading others so when this stops, there is typically a reason.
There are many stages of grief that I am aware of and maybe I am just running amok within those stages. At first my feelings were completely raw and then I became numb, like I was just scarred over and couldn't feel anything. Now I feel like an open wound, literally that won't heal. In many ways, I cannot let go of my Dad.
Typically, I am the 'glass half full' kind of gal, but not anymore. I can't help but think that nothing I do is ever good enough. I feel nothing is good enough for my Mom, my boys, even my boyfriend. I can sit here and logically and rationally know that this is not really the case but I can't help how I feel. I constantly have dreams where I am trying to save my Dad or get to him but I can't. I know that his death was not my fault in ANY sense of the way, so WHY can't I let go?
Sometimes I feel like I could just drop off the face of the Earth tomorrow and it wouldn't make a difference. Yeah, I might be missed in some ways but really -- what difference does it make? I feel like I can't do anything right anymore.
School is staring on Monday so maybe I can get a bit more structure going on in our lives and that may help. I just feel like I used to be such a strong person.. where did that person go? Will she come back?
I recently went to a 50th birthday party for a friend of our family's that has had 2 brain surgeries in the past year and a half due to cancer and is trying to see his children grow up. The things I complain about or am frustrated about seems so trivial next to his struggle but I still see how he has such love and support and a purpose right now.
I saw my brother-in-law wheel this man's wheelchair down to the front of the party in front of the live band where he could get a front row seat. He is paralyzed on one side and was wearing his "live strong" yellow band. I wore one of these from the moment I found out my Dad's cancer had come back until the day he died. So did my children, and they still do. I can't because it didn't do any good. It didn't save my Dad. And yet this man has such faith and strength. There he sat among all his friends and family. His motto now is "vertical not horizontal" and he can say this and laugh and mean it. I saw the spark in his eyes as he was listening to what must have been some of his favorite music played just for him.
What is wrong with me? Do I just need a good slap?
My sister sent me this:
The Attitude of Three Hairs ===========================
There was once a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.
"Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today," so she did and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw she had only two hairs on her head.
"HMM," she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today," and she did and she had a grand day.
The next morning she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw she had only one hair left on her head.
"Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did and it was a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.
"YEAH!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"
Remember you may not be able to control what someone says or does or some of the situations that life throws you, but you can sure control the way you react.
Yes, what a great attitude. With my luck, I would have 3 hairs and fret and obsess over them so much the first day, they would all fall out. I am having such a hard time coping.
Any words of wisdom would help here. If nothing comes to mind, keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks.