Nicole "The Little Christmas Angel"

In the last few weeks of my Dad's life he was sometimes confused.  The first thing I did upon arriving to see him was to see how coherent he was and give him a big hug and kiss. 

One day when I got there, he looked over and saw me coming and said, "Look who is here!  It's Nicole!"  With a cringing smile I walked over and gave him a big hug and said, "It's me, Dad!"  He replied that he knew it was me, his little angel. 

That brought me back to when I was in the 6th grade and had the lead role in the Christmas play.  Dad had found coverage to come see me that night from his shift.  He got to see his 'little angel' in the play and at the end he grabbed a program and had me sign it.  He was certain that I was going to be famous someday and had me sign the program "To my Daddy", saying that one day that program was going to be priceless.

So, in those last few weeks of my Dad's life we talked about that.  I let him know that HE was my angel in ways he never knew. 

At my Dad's funeral, each of my 3 sisters got up and read a written prepared speech.  I have written volumes about the relationship w/ my Dad but I didn't have anything prepared, so when they were done everyone looked at me.  Having nothing prepared I repeated the story of Nicole, the Christmas angel and how special my Dad was. 

As I looked around the church auditorium full of people coming to say good-bye to my Dad I reminded everyone there that no matter how much all of our love put together for my Dad was, that God loved him SO much more.  With that, my sisters and I walked off the church stage and took our seats. 

I regret not having some better memory to share or some special anecdote but I just felt some things were just too intimate and personal to share right then and I couldn't get through it. 

Dad died November 28th so I have had over 2 months to look back and think of all the things I could have/should have said or done.  I have to let those regrets go and know that my Dad knows exactly how I feel about him.  I was the only daughter that got to spend the last day with him and for that I am forever grateful.  He knew who I was that day and I told him good-bye.

My Mom recently cleaned out the nightstand that was on my Dad's side of the bed. 

In that nightstand was the program I signed for my Dad in 1979.  He had slept with it beside him in his nightstand for all these years...

Now, the program is in my nightstand.  So, yes -- my Dad was right.  This program IS priceless.. to me.

Comments

[kenju]

Chana, nice to meet you. This is a wonderful post and I can't think of a nicer tribute to your dad than that story. Ot said a lot about the kind of father he was; caring and loving and intent on making you feel special. Now everyone knows it. Good for you!

Michele sent me.

Oh you made me cry!! What a lovely story about your father. You were his little angel and he treasured the program with your signature. That must've really told you something. So sorry to read that you've lost your dad.

Here via Michele today so don't mind me as I poke around...

[Melody]

Oh whoops, forgot to add my name to the comment above!

[Joe Cool Cowboy Poet]

Awwww, sweetie, he does know how much you love him, still does. He's with you always. Now he is your angel. I am glad that your mother passed that on to you. It truly is priceless and the memories it holds are there for comfort.

hugs, love and prayers always.

[Vickie]

Never doubt your dad knew before and he still knows but I also understand your feelings of wanting more time. Our dad's are so very special to us and no one will ever take their place. Time does help but even that never removes the desire of wanting more with dad or for dad. This was a very special post, Chana thank you for sharing it.

[cher]

Wow Chana that is a beautiful memory.

[sage]

You have so many stories that bring tears to my eyes. I can imagine the delight in your dad's eyes when you came into the room. I'm sure he knew how much you loved him, and that he loved you and was so proud of you.

[FTS]

I found my dad's obituary as I packed things this week, and between it and this post I'm a tad choked up. What a wonderful keepsake.

[Carol-anne]

I lost my Father many years ago but I still miss him on a daily basis... though not nearly as profoundly as I did those first few weeks... months... years...

I wanted to be able to tell you that it DOES get better... it just takes time.. and don't let anyone try to rush you to stop grieving.... because no-one but you will know when you are ready to...

[Miss Cellania]

This is a lovely tribute. Thanks.

[carol]

Hi, Chana.You will never forget his memory, it will be held close to your heart forever.How awesome to find this in his side table, knowing how precious you were to him, he loved you and is watching you, and loving you today. God bless you. my new url if you take note is http://brite-new-life.blogspot.com/ Cheers, Carol

[Mama B]

WOW, that is such a touching story!! Thanks for sharing that with us.

[Tawcan]

That was a very touching post. It just makes you appreciate more about the memories you have on your dad. I'm sure his memories will live on not only in you but everyone in your family.

[C.]

Wow! Very touching story.. My first time here. Those are cool memories to have. Come down to Texas and visit my little blog world when you get the chance.. Have a great day!

C.